Meet Olivia.
Olivia loves the camera.
And the camera loves Olivia.
Someone get this girl an agent!
We’re all scared! If you’re not scared, you’re not paying attention.
- Dr. Bailey, Grey’s Anatomy
So true, Bailey!
(Yes, those Grey’s writers have sucked me into their dark, twisty, drama-and-hot-men-filled world all over again. Oh, this is so my version of crack.)
Last week, a coworker asked me to help her with a small project. I obliged and did my part, but she came back to me because she’d made a small mistake and needed me to do my part over again.
This happens quite often with her, so I was a little annoyed. But otherwise, it wasn’t a huge deal.
So, she walks up to me and the first thing out of her mouth is,
“Man, sometimes I’m so glad you’re a Christian… I know you won’t kill me when I tell you stuff like this.”
Now, this girl is a Christian too. And I think she meant to say this in a good way. But all I kept thinking was,
“Does she think I’m a pushover?!?”
Dude.
Not. Cool.
Am I being gracious and forgiving, or am I really just a pushover? And what is the difference?
This bothers me.
Chris Pine gets caught by the paparazzi at Lamill Coffee in LA.
I had to dodge my own paparazzi (aka Paul) there, too.
I wonder if he tried the chocolate chip cookie.
After I wrote the post about the questionable behavior of a worship leader, I started thinking about my own life and behavior outside church.
What makes me any different? What makes me more qualified to lead worship than he? Or anyone else?
I may not be having extramarital sex, but I’m still a sinner.
I gossip at work. I curse people. I ignore people who annoy me. I’ve made poor decisions with men. I have given in to greed, selfishness, slothfulness, gluttony, etc. many times.
And yes, I repent. And I ask for help from the Holy Spirit. Maybe this other person is too and I’ve judged him too quickly?
I don’t know.
But it made me think. We’re all sinners. All the same. All broken and desperate without Jesus.
I don’t fight often. I just don’t like to.
And there are few things I care about enough to fight over. Actually, there are few people I care for enough to fight with.
But sometimes we have to fight, and when we do, we should do it well.
Not just by making your points clearly or arguing successfully. But by protecting the person you’re fighting with. By not going below the belt. By not being cruel. By not being disrespectful. Do this and you’ll both live to fight – and love – another day.
My friend said that his wife fights extremely well, and there is no other person he’d rather fight with.
That’s love.
So find someone you want to fight with. And do it well.
If there is one thing that makes me jealous, it’s experiencing another person’s writing talent.
I don’t get that jealous about singing. I know where I can hold my own and I can pick apart other singers. Yeah, I’m kind of a bitch that way.
I don’t get jealous about beauty/looks. We’re all different and standards of beauty always change.
But writing.
Oh when you can craft your words so delicately and powerfully and make them roll off the page and into my mind in such a way that makes my heart ache… well, then… that’s when I get jealous.
After I cry or laugh or do whatever it is your words cause me to do.
I just read this beautiful entry by Sandra McCracken (who is also one of my favorite songwriters, naturally). It’s from this past Christmas season, so seemingly not relevant, and yet… so appropriate for this time in my life. Or in anyone’s life.
It’s simple and beautiful. Just go read it. Smile. And then be insanely jealous along with me.
It’s not our culture.
No, we can’t do that.
This is the way we’ve always done it.
People won’t get it.
I’ve heard this a lot in the Church, but you know what? I’ve also heard it a lot at work. From both my current and former employers.
Culture changes, people. We need to change and adapt along with it. Whether we’re talking about corporate structure, benefit plans for a growing number of employees, outsourcing certain services, or worship music styles, church dress code, changing service times.
We don’t change the core product/service (in the Church’s case, the Gospel), but we change the way we work to deliver that product.
When we don’t change, our companies and ministries don’t necessarily die out, but we cause a lot of unnecessary frustration and difficulty in doing what we’re meant to do. So why not avoid that by considering some new ways to do things?
Start small. And take it one step at at time. But you have to be open-minded. Is that so hard?
(I don’t know this individual personally. So don’t get any ideas and start thinking about my friends. But this is kind of sensitive and might hit a nerve. Not an apology, just a warning.)
I honestly believe worship leaders should be held to many of the same standards as preachers. We have almost the same amount of “stage time” and are public figures, and more importantly, we help shape the services and are supposed to be prayerfully crafting a message for our congregations. Our purpose and desire is to lead the church on a journey toward meeting with God, taking focus off ourselves, and giving our hearts wholly to Christ.
Suffice it to say, it’s a pretty big responsibility.
Now, I’m not sure if worship leaders need to go to seminary or get licensed by their denomination, but I do think we need to be extra vigilant about living out lives that are worthy of the Gospel. We’re not perfect, and neither are pastors, but if we are engaging in behavior is that very clearly immoral, it should be brought into the light and confessed to our close peers and leaders. And most of the time, it’s necessary to step down from the leadership position in order to deal with the sin.
Does anyone disagree with me yet?
For example, several months ago, we all heard about the Hillsong United leader who lied about having cancer in an attempt to hide his pornography addiction. Once the leadership became aware of the real situation, he stepped down from his position in order to get some help and deal with the problem.
Sounds reasonable right?
So what if a worship leader isn’t doing something “as bad” as looking at porn, but instead having sex outside of marriage? Oh, but he’s single, completely unhitched. But he’s having sex outside the context of marriage. What then?
Do we chalk it up to raging hormones? Or overlook it because he’s not cheating on anyone since he’s single? Or maybe he’s in a committed relationship and will marry the girl soon so it’s ok (which is actually not the case here, but throwing that in anyway).
I don’t think any of these excuses hold water. But like I said, this isn’t someone I know personally. It’s not my church. It’s not my community. It’s not my call.
But I’m furious. And concerned. And furious! And sad. And brokenhearted over the state of my generation of Christians. And angry that Satan is so good exploiting our weaknesses like this.
Lord, help us.
So one of the more memorable experiences of my Los Angeles vacation was visiting the Korean “spa.” That term is misleading because it’s unlike any American or European spa that women are used to. It’s actually a bathhouse; a room full of showers, bath/jacuzzi tubs, and a variety of saunas. But the entire time, you’re stark naked. Aside from the locker room, there are no curtains, dividers, or partitions that keep you hidden from the other guests.
Connie has a great post on the overall physical experience – the scrub-down, massage, etc., so I don’t need to get into it here. Personally, I couldn’t help but ponder the psychological effects of the bathhouse experience. The idea of being “comfortable in your own skin” really takes on a new meaning when you’re completely naked with 20 other women for an entire afternoon.
There is obviously some normal social protocol and I didn’t stare at naked women all day, but as I sat in those hot tubs for 15 minutes at a time, I couldn’t help but notice the other bodies around me.
Interestingly enough, the “fat” women were easier to look at. There was something naturally beautiful about the curves of their bodies. The skinny women were not as natural-looking. One woman in particular was ridiculously thin. I mean, hardly had any breasts or a butt, and honestly – she just looked weird. Almost alien.
There were some typically gorgeous bodies in the room too; tall, slender, proportioned curves. But one girl had such a severe tan line (golden legs, pasty white ass), that it really took away from her natural beauty. It’s funny how these artificial beauty enhancers – like a tan – can be so distracting, even ugly, when you’re nude. Could you imagine a Renoir nude painting with… tan lines??
Anyway, after observing some of the other women, I couldn’t help but wonder if they were also taking notice of my body… and *gulp* my flaws. I don’t have a nasty tan line (thanks to working in an office 9-5), but my bottom’s rounder than I’d like (thanks to working in an office 9-5). I think I’m fairly well proportioned, but I am short and that’s not changing. Is that more enhanced when I don’t have lean clothes and heels to help me? And goodness, what about my skin? I was actually more afraid to take off my makeup than my clothes, because the last 6 months have been one big rollercoaster ride of hormonal imbalances which has turned my face into a warzone. Concealer has been my best friend for the past few months and the thought of being without it scared the crap out of me.
Eventually I got over my insecurities (I kind of had to once I started the scrub/massage treatment – you get touched everywhere). But the experience made me further realize that today’s standards of physical beauty are pretty ridiculous. They are so artificial and always changing, and in a few years, the standards will change again. I love makeup and fashion and always will, but even I know it’s superficial. Much of physical beauty is determined simply by good health and hygiene, and well… one’s happiness.
I know that’s such a fruitcake thing to say, but it’s true. Happy people are beautiful. So, that’s what my 3 hours of nakedness taught me. When all the clothes, hair products, makeup, spray tans, etc. are taken away, we’re left with what our maker gave us: our skin, our figures, and our smiles.
So be happy.
Be beautiful.
Smile.
